There is a smooth bumpiness, a hybrid texture like leather and cashmere
Addictive to touch, like the fuzz of a peach's side. Looking on,
I see more crimson hills, they are burgundy with a bit of shade.
Feet first, I step slowly down one soft valley, but it curls out and-
My arms are flapping, they can't hold like a baby bird, faster and fas...
TERRRRR. I lose touch and I'm falling down fast and turning circles.
The wind slaps me and blurs of color woosh around.
Are those brown blurs sharp? I see them shining.
Ow! One slices my arm, seeping pain. Yes, there's my answer.
Still falling, hair pulled up, I shut my eyes hard and wait for it.
THUD. Ouch, that hurt my legs and boy! they ache, but hey! I've landed.
This weird ground hugs me all around with spongey pieces of something.
I pick up the grainy fluffy stuff with a hand, but it falls through my fingers.
A shooting droplet of water hits my shoulder, right on the cut.
Ok enough. Where am I? Do I need more pain?
I look up and the misty surroundings focus up.
A bed of roses. Thorns. The morning dew.
How could I be so stupid? G-d just laughs.
But wait! Why am I.....
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small?
This poem really puts the readers in the mindset of the speaker. When the speaker falls down, I felt like I was falling down with her. I love the theme of red in the first stanza of the poem, with words like "crimson" and "burgundy." The words throughout the poem appeal to the senses really well, especially lines like "a hybrid texture like leather and cashmere", "like the fuzz of a peach", and "a shooting droplet of water." I also think it was a smart decision to put the picture of the rose at the end of the poem so that the images could be produced in the imaginations of the readers. I think you could definitely improve this poem by making certain sentences more descriptive: "spongey pieces of something" and "grainy fluffy stuff." Also, maybe take out one of the "crimson" words used in the first stanza since they are used twice. Other than those minor changes, this poem was great. Awesome job at producing images!
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