Jog
Beat blasts through my ears
the quads fight the crunching leaves
steady punching feet
Thought
Coffee Stain on shirt?
Fashionable brown detail!
Mindset over mood
The Bustle
Plan every minute
Tired, over-worked, can't stop
On to the next thing
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The ceiling fan. Textbook. Shopping bag. The Laundry basket. iPad. Rumpled bed. Searching for the best idea of the bunch, like ... -
Images of broken light dance before me like a million eyes Possessing and caressing me Waves of joy drift through my open mind ...
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It was a dark muscular truck monster wheels like biceps of steel. On that night, the big hulk rolled down my driveway, size surreal...
I especially liked the first one because your use of internal "ee" sounds adds rhythm and makes it sound poetic. The other two poems could be improved
ReplyDeleteReally good job. In the first haiku, I really like how you described legs as "quads" and that they are fighting to crunch the leaves. Thats a great visual of someone jogging and makes it sound more exciting. The second haiku is awesome, I really like the positivity of it - "mindset over mood." The last haiku I think is great, but I would like a little bit more descriptive words like the previous two. Overall, good job!!
ReplyDeleteHey! I love love love your first poem! As a fellow runner, I love how relatable it is! There is also great rhythm with the "B" words at the beginning and the "ee" sound throughout. I also really enjoyed reading your last poem because it is also very relatable. I think your second poem could use more showing and not telling. Overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteI like the image you created in your first haiku, of a tough jogger fighting all odds to keep going. I like the use of the words quads and crunching-nice flow!
ReplyDeleteI loved the second poem, and how you were able to send a nice message in such a small space.
I think the last poem poem could use more of show, don't tell, such as showing an image of being tired, as opposed to simply stating "tired"
Great job!
I like the image you created in your first haiku, of a tough jogger fighting all odds to keep going. I like the use of the words quads and crunching-nice flow!
ReplyDeleteI loved the second poem, and how you were able to send a nice message in such a small space.
I think the last poem poem could use more of show, don't tell, such as showing an image of being tired, as opposed to simply stating "tired"
Great job!