--A pantoum--
Emotions would be cerulean or sapphire, not just blue
Emotions would be cerulean or sapphire, not just blue
If only we could taste our surroundings
Mundane details would illuminate
with Swirly Periwinkles of soft yellows
If only we could taste our surroundings
Through the eyes of Claude Monet
Swirly Periwinkles of soft yellows
would replace the flurry grays of soot
Through the eyes of Claude Monet
chilled minty glimmers of blue ice
would replace the flurry grays of soot
gently brushing, sharing space with eachother.
Chilled minty glimmers of blue ice
Mundane details would illuminate
gently brushing, sharing space with each other.
Emotions would be cerulean or sapphire, not just blue.
Lavacourt under Snow
about 1878-81. Claude Monet.
I think this is your strongest poem so far. In general, pantoums are supposed to rhyme but I thought the author did a good job using images and creating a meaning through repetition. I liked “minty glimmer.” I was curious about the use of the word “of” in the line about periwinkles and yellow, why not “or” or “and,” in any case it was interesting.
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you used the Painting as inspiration for the poem. the unique and specific names you used to describe the poem added intricacy to it. My suggestion would be to maybe change the verbs like brushing and sharing to brush and share to make it sound more prose. Great job!!!
ReplyDeleteCertain descriptions in this poem are so vivid that I felt like I was being transported into the painting. Some are my favorite lines are "Swirly Periwinkles of soft yellows" and "chilled minty glimmers of blue ice." I also really like the verb "illuminate." I love how you combined two art forms- poetry and painting- to present a different perspective, namely Claude Monet's perspective. Like Jessica mentioned above, the only thing I would change is the tenses to "brush" and "share" to make it sound like it's happening in the present. Awesome pantoum.
ReplyDeleteThis is an intriguing poem--the first ekphrastic poem turned in by the class that I can recall. Ekphrasis is when you use a literary art form to reflect on a visual art form. It goes back to the ancient Greeks, though the most famous example is probably Keats' "Ode on a Grecian Urn."
ReplyDeleteAs I see it, the poem explores synesthesia (the experience of mixing sensory reactions--tasting things we normally see, for example) in relation the impressionist painter Monet and this work in particular.
There are hints here that the author possesses a sharp understanding of impressionism. I sense it in the opening (and final) line, where color is experienced as emotion, much like the basic idea behind impressionism, where you paint your impression (including emotional reaction) rather than a realistic display of the thing itself.
Of course, as Rivka noted, the poem does not rhyme, but this aspect is so ingrained in the draft here that I think trying to make it rhyme would be futile. It would be better just to start a new poem.
I do think this could be longer. It feels like it wraps up too soon, before all of the possibilities are fully explored. You could add to the middle of this, exploring more details in the painting and animating them as you are with others things. Regardless, I felt this was a strong poem, and I sense your work developing and maturing.